invisible strings

Stories from the Autism Spectrum.

An Experiment Uncontrolled: self-medicating and the autism spectrum

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I.

I started drinking alcohol in college. One of my friends, he had a frat guy roommate and these parties would spring up around us on a regular basis. My friend and I, we’d be sitting there at his place watching old VHS bootlegs of Doctor Who. Then we’d hear cars pull in to the driveway. We’d hop up, frantic, immediately switch the television to ESPN, try to mask our nerdiness. Humans would proceed to file in. Frat guys, sorority girls, dozens of them. And that was it for the rest of the night, just drinking, drinking.

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Q and A Tuesday: the autism spectrum and alternatives to small talk

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In a recent video, I discussed small talk and why it can be so confusing for people on the autism spectrum. There are a lot of processing issues involved, as well as a minefield of social consequences (you can click here for the full discussion). So, even though it is a seemingly simple exchange for most people, small talk can actually become a serious barrier for folks on the spectrum.

One commenter had a question relating to this topic; I thought I would share that here, along with my response.

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Christmas with Aspergers (stories from the autism spectrum)

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For a big chunk of my adult life…all of my 20’s, half of my 30’s…I put a huge amount of effort into avoiding people. I socially isolated, worked a graveyard shift. I was good at this. Disappearing, I learned, is my one real talent.

The exception to this habit: every few years I would visit with my family at Christmas. Everyone would get together, do the traditional gift/meal/football-watching thing.

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Asperger’s Syndrome versus Alpha Male Syndrome

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(Social interactions can get easier over time, but not always less awkward, as this recent post demonstrates. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way. I grew up before Asperger’s was a diagnosis. As a result, I had to learn my own coping mechanisms for navigating the social world. The mechanisms I taught myself, like mimicry and social scripting, helped…but they also created problems of their own. The moral of this story: find a balance between navigating small talk and being yourself. Otherwise? You’re on the hook for a long line of dead-end conversations.)

December, 2009

Monday morning, 7 a.m.

I make a rare appearance in the break room at work. I’m sipping coffee, trying to wake up. I’m standing in the corner hoping to avoid people, but a co-worker makes intentional eye contact and starts walking towards me. I think, “Why, god? Why?” I can’t remember his name or which department he’s from.

The protective social mimicry kicks in.

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Lost in Book Land (stories from the autism spectrum)

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I.

When I was growing up, Asperger’s did not yet exist as a diagnosis. I struggled to make sense of my sensory and social confusion. For many years, I lived with a lot of anxiety, discomfort.

Books ended up being my one reliable source of stability. I liked books. Reading functioned as a powerful form of escape- they gave my mind a way to blunt much of the anxiety and stress. They permeated every aspect of my life…I used books like shields, tried to work them into as many situations as possible.

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Sorting Through Social Data: an autism spectrum conversation

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Written-out moments from a conversation with an autism specialist.
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I am currently going back, piecing together all of these sessions, and hope to make them available at some point. This is one example….the topic of this discussion was one we re-visited more than any other: the daily task of processing social data.

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Hiding Upwards: social anxiety and the autism spectrum

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This is about anxiety and peaceful places. Turns out: “peaceful” isn’t always located where we think it is.

I.

As mentioned in a previous post, my social struggles during elementary school created an intense fear of other people. I sought out friendships, but lacked the basic communication skills necessary to traverse the social world. What I did not understand at the time: I lacked body language and was not picking up on the nuances of non-verbal cues. I was blind, in other words, to a large portion of the shared context that I experienced with other kids.  Needing people, interested in others, I walked- repeatedly- into the buzz saw of rejection.

My self-confidence eroded. I became quiet, withdrawn. And afraid.

II.

In a strange way, the situation improved once the social world became more complicated. [Read more…]

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