invisible strings

Stories from the Autism Spectrum.

The Lunch Box Maneuver (ASD, Aspergers and school anxiety)

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Growing up, August was traditionally the month that I was knocked flat with school anxiety. The last few weeks of summer, I was reliably a train wreck of fear and frayed nerves.

Today, in my late 30’s, I still feel echos of that as August sets in. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been out of school for a long time now; July gives up and some animal part of my brain tells me to hide, to run…from nothing specific or real, just the predatory talons of memory. (I’ve written before, in this post, about my teen habit of avoiding peers by literally climbing walls and hiding above ceiling tiles. I did that.)

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An Experiment Uncontrolled: self-medicating and the autism spectrum

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I.

I started drinking alcohol in college. One of my friends, he had a frat guy roommate and these parties would spring up around us on a regular basis. My friend and I, we’d be sitting there at his place watching old VHS bootlegs of Doctor Who. Then we’d hear cars pull in to the driveway. We’d hop up, frantic, immediately switch the television to ESPN, try to mask our nerdiness. Humans would proceed to file in. Frat guys, sorority girls, dozens of them. And that was it for the rest of the night, just drinking, drinking.

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Q and A Tuesday: the autism spectrum and alternatives to small talk

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In a recent video, I discussed small talk and why it can be so confusing for people on the autism spectrum. There are a lot of processing issues involved, as well as a minefield of social consequences (you can click here for the full discussion). So, even though it is a seemingly simple exchange for most people, small talk can actually become a serious barrier for folks on the spectrum.

One commenter had a question relating to this topic; I thought I would share that here, along with my response.

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Hiding Upwards: social anxiety and the autism spectrum

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This is about anxiety and peaceful places. Turns out: “peaceful” isn’t always located where we think it is.

I.

As mentioned in a previous post, my social struggles during elementary school created an intense fear of other people. I sought out friendships, but lacked the basic communication skills necessary to traverse the social world. What I did not understand at the time: I lacked body language and was not picking up on the nuances of non-verbal cues. I was blind, in other words, to a large portion of the shared context that I experienced with other kids.  Needing people, interested in others, I walked- repeatedly- into the buzz saw of rejection.

My self-confidence eroded. I became quiet, withdrawn. And afraid.

II.

In a strange way, the situation improved once the social world became more complicated. [Read more…]

invisible strings